Friday, November 3, 2017

What is Disrespectful

On January 15, 2014 the judge brought down her gavel and declared me and my second wife officially divorced. After a long and expensive divorce negotiation, I knew it was time to take a break from any type of serious relationship. I figured I would give my heart an emotional rest, and just casually date for a while before jumping into anything serious.

Three and a half years later, on July 21, 2017, an out of town friend from my past resurfaced in my showroom, and there seemed to be an undeniable chemistry between us. She lived out of state, and was in Las Vegas for 2 days for a job interview. She told me her relationship of 3 years ended because she caught him inappropriately flirting with girls on Facebook on two different occasions. After the first infraction, she gave him a second chance, and he quickly became a repeat offender, so she ended the relationship.

Even though we had chemistry, in the past I tried unsuccessfully dating someone out of state. I learned (with the help of my friend Tony Robbins) two key ingredients to a successful relationship are PROXIMITY and POLARITY. We clearly had the (masculine and feminine) polarity, but the proximity prevented me from starting a relationship with her. Six weeks later she moved to Las Vegas because she accepted the job offer, and our relationship hit the ground running. After three and a half years, I figured it was time to lower the emotional wall protecting my heart, and open myself up to a committed relationship.

She was only 24 years old which should have raised an immediate red flag, but since she seemed wiser and older, I figured I would I wouldn't let that stand in our way. She set up her apartment, but never once slept there. For all intents and purposes, I had a full time, live in relationship.

Since she moved away from all of her family, I immediately opened my house, my heart and my family up to her. Everything I did, I included her. Everywhere I went, I took her. I introduced her to all my friends. She attended every family function. The only time we were apart was when she was at work.

After two months, I started to question some of her actions with my friends. My intuition told me something was wrong. But since I consider myself damaged goods in the relationship department, I kept my feelings to myself, and sat back and observed her actions. Soon after, family members stated to mention to me they felt her actions were inappropriate. So it wasn't just me who felt she was coming close to crossing a line. Then one of my closest friends informed me she was inappropriately texting and flirting with him. When I confronted her, her text responce was, and I quite....

"I flirted with him for a few days. It was inappropriate. You didn't deserve it. I'm ashamed of myself. There's no excuse. I fucked up. I know I did. I'll own that. I made poor choices this week. I made a mistake and you're completely right to be upset with me. I completely own my actions and choices. Things got out of hand and I blame no one but myself. I am really, genuinely sorry, Gerry."

She did to me, exactly what her ex-boyfriend did to her. She inappropriately flirted outside our relationship, with one of my best friends. When her ex-boyfriend did it to her, she gave him a second chance, but I was not going to grant her a second chance. If after 2 months of being in a relationship with me, she disrespected me, I am sure she would do it again in the future. Burn me once, shame on you, burn me twice, shame on me. I immediately packed all her stuff and put it out on the curb. I have a zero tolerance policy for being disrespected.

Now I decide to do some soul searching. Did this breakup happen because she was so young and lived in a Kardashian world, where the rules of being respectful are different then my old school values? Was she looking to break up with me and used flirting with my friend as her escape route? Does she have major insecurity issues and needs constant attention from others? What is the maximum age difference I should accept when I open myself up to another relationship? And is that age difference different if one or both of the partners are in show business?

I did a quick google search and found the following show business relationship age gaps:

Hugh Hefner & Crystal Harris, Age Gap: 60 years
Patrick Stewart & Sunny Ozell, Age Gap: 38 years
Sarah Paulson & Holland Taylor, Age Gap: 32 years
Madonna & Brahim Zaibat, Age Gap: 30 years
Jeff Goldblum & Emilie Livingston, Age Gap: 30 years
Ashley Olsen & Richard Sachs, Age Gap: 28 years
Rod Stewart & Penny Lancaster, Age Gap: 27 years
David Hasselhoff & Hayley Roberts, Age Gap: 27 years
Alec Baldwin & Hilaria Thomas, Age Gap: 26 years
Celine Dion & René Angélil, Age Gap: 26 years
Jerry Hall & Rupert Murdoch, Age Gap: 25 years
Catherine Zeta-Jones & Michael Douglas, Age Gap: 25 years
Kris Jenner & Corey Gamble, Age Gap: 25 years
Sean Penn & Scarlett Johansson, Age Gap: 24 years
Donald Trump & Melania Trump, Age Gap: 24 years
Bruce Willis & Emma Willis, Age Gap: 23 years
Kevin Costner & Christine Baumgartner, Age Gap: 22 years

After this incident, I find myself proud of the fact that I finally lowered the emotional wall around my heart to allow a potential relationship. And I was able to quickly recover when she hurt me by disrespecting me.

My past dating pattern indicates I seem to be attracted to younger ladies. I now find myself pondering what is the maximum age difference I should accept in my next potential relationship. I just turned 55 years old. Even though I currently have a crush on a younger lady, I think any potential love interest in my future should be at least 30 years old.

And also I have been wondering when does being disrespected become an immediate deal breaker?

Time to jump back into the dating pool, wish me luck!!